My Reality

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to walk in someone else's shoes? While I sit in traffic in the mornings I do this all the time. This morning I saw a lady sweeping the side walk, I wondered what was going through her mind and what reality she faced. What did she worry about when she woke up in the morning. What she felt as she stood there humbly sweeping the sidewalk.

I realized again I complain too much. I have a good job, friends, family and hobbies. I can afford to express myself creatively and I get to dine out when I feel like it. We seem to be so dissatisfied with our 9-5 jobs, but we forget the person who is begging for one on the street corner. In Afrikaans we have a word that sums it up nicely - onvergenoegd. It is the term used for people like me and you. We are always wanting, always needing more.

Last night my mother called me and told me that the people at the elephant farm is now looking for someone to help them with the elephants (train and facilitate contact with visitors). We know the people and it would have been a perfect fit for me. It would literally be my dream job. 6 months ago I was in town and unemployed. I don't know why she told me this, I've been trying to figure it out, but since 7pm last night I've been looking at my finances and wondering how I can quit my job and take the lower paying job as an elephant trainer and still be able to pay my bills.

I don't think it will be possible. I can't give my car back now and say I made a mistake I don't want it - and I don't think the salary will even cover my payments. I still need to make the payments on my credit card. I've just signed an apartment lease for a year. These were things I thought I needed. I thought I was ready for grown up life, and all the bills and responsibilities that came with it, but it turns out I'm not. Nor will I ever be. I don't want any of this.

It turns out I envy the people who don't have any bills to pay. This sounds sick and horrible, I know. But how I wish that I could just not have these things that I've sold myself into slavery for. I work to pay the bills, which I've created to fill the void. So here I sit silver spoon in my mouth crying over opportunities that I can't grab, because I have too much.

Mr. friendly street vendor friend person, thanks for the flower and the smile this morning. I envy you.

Back to School

This morning as I was driving to work, I started feeling incredibly sad that the new school year has started and that all the universities will also be starting soon. I remember my first year out of school like it was yesterday - and I would not trade it for the world.

To have the feeling that you have the world at your feet, you can now do any- and everything you ever wanted to do. It is the first year of the rest of your life. That year in which you make all the important decisions. Whether you want to travel, study, marry, marry rich, just have babies, etc. Of course you can change your mind along the way and all your plans won't work out. But you still have that amazing feeling that you can go anywhere and become anyone.

To have to decide what you will be doing with the rest of your life is a big choice. Will you study to be a doctor or just settle for marrying one? Will you be the next big sportsman or the next best thing to it. The world is full of endless opportunities, you just have to grab them.

I thought about my exciting time as a first year student, little in life has compared to that complete and utter exhilaration. Everything is new and shiny.  But we all move on from there and we find ourselves along the way. We lose some of who we were, lose some of who we thought we wanted to be and change into the person we eventually end up being. We all change constantly, but I think those first couple of years on your own are what forms you most. You make friends without influences from your parents or circumstances. Your choices are based on what you have learnt about the world up until now (which is actually nothing) and you judge according to your upbringing.

As I said, change is constant, and I believe it can be radical too. If you take a wrong turn somewhere along the way, you can always backtrack and start taking the better path from that moment onward, it is never too late to change anything and everything.

I think I will always think about this time of year with sadness and look back and wish that I could go back and relive it all and maybe make less mistakes than I ended up making. But those mistakes made me the person I am today: not always bright, but shiny and full of light.

Giving

When dealing with giving I see myself as a water urn/pitcher. I only have a 2/3/5l capacity and a little tap at the bottom. Should I fill myself up with water and never release some through the tap I will soon have no more space and nothing will get in. Should I as a pitcher/urn have cracks none of the water will stay in me, and I will run on empty, with nothing to pour out. But if I'm a good urn/pitcher and I am filled, I do not let myself overflow, but rather have a positive outflow into someone else's cup who have a less.

Now apply the same to grace, blessings and love and everything you receive from above. You have to give in order to receive. You can't hoard your blessings, you have to be a blessing to others. If you don't have an outflow in your life you will stop having an inflow, simply because you do not have space.

Thus we give because we receive, we receive by grace and mercy. But it is all not about who we are, but who He is. So why shouldn't we give some of that which we get in abundance. A friend told me a story of all the shells on the beach, and how he realized that no expense was spared when this world was created - we receive everything in abundance. We are blessed beyond belief! Our cups really do overflow!

"You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings." Psalm 23:5 (NLT)

A while back I had a day of intense gratefulness for everything I have been blessed with all through my life. Up to the point where I feel I need to be grateful on purpose. I have recently contemplated getting involved in something like volunteer work, but I have little time available and the time I do have is fractured and infrequent to say the least. As it is with most of my friends in the corporate world.

After rethinking my life and situation - also boys and how I choose to live my life. I have decided to start making some changes. I am not going to divulge to deeply into my plan to give back and live without regrets. But I will find an outflow for my inflow of blessings! Hope you do too! May your cup never overflow!

2013

So before 2012 ends I just want to write one last blogpost. I've been at home with my family for the past week, which has been extremely draining but fun. I don't know how I'll ever be ready for kids of my own, cause even though I do love them, they are so exhausting. I have once again a new found wonder for my mother who raised four kids. Sho. *Sorry I regressed, as this post is actually about the new year and not at all about kids. oops

Anyways so the end of the year is here and social networks are buzzing with people taking stock of the previous year, people looking forward to the new year and even some making those all to lovely New Years Resolutions (NYR) which are never kept. How are we so delusional that we think this year is going to be completely different? Why do we think that because the year has ended, that our thoughts and acts will be renewed instantly as the clock strikes 12?

The thing that most people don't realize is that if they do not change, nothing will. A wise man once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. Making NYR's are probably as effective as wishing upon a shooting star. Yet we all still do that. We probably make these so called promises to ourselves to make us feel better and to feel like we are in control, which is also a strange phenomenon, but not one to be discussed tonight.

Another thing that I've been wondering about is whether we should seize the moment or follow our dreams. I personally think that following your dreams will eventually yield better results, but sometimes those dreams can cause you to miss some amazing opportunities that just pops up, and vice versa, sometimes we get so lost in the moment that we lose focus on our dreams.

I believe that we each have an internal compass that directs our lives. Sometimes we are so off course that we lose ourselves, and who we are. My wish for 2013 is to just keep as close to my internal compass as I possibly can. Whether that means following my dreams or living in the moment, or even it is the same thing.

And I leave you with a thought for the New Year:

“Heroes didn't leap tall buildings or stop bullets with an outstretched hand; they didn't wear boots and capes. They bled, and they bruised, and their superpowers were as simple as listening, or loving. Heroes were ordinary people who knew that even if their own lives were impossibly knotted, they could untangle someone else's. And maybe that one act could lead someone to rescue you right back.”
- Jodi Picoult, Second Glance

Hope you have a great 2013. Be a hero!

My favorite song...

Oke, maybe not my all time favorite song, but it definitely ranks in the Top 3 (and it has been on repeat for the whole day so far)... The Rose by Bette Midler.

This song is amazing, to describe it in so few words. We all fear to much and take to little chances, but the irony is that even if you don't take any chances what so ever, you will still die. We are afraid to live a little, for fear that if we do we will fail. But failure is a part of life, growing up and learning those lessons again and again. If you have a dream, make it happen.

*Oh, and I was nice enough to provide you with the lyrics to this timeless classic:

The Rose

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
An endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
And you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give,
And the soul afraid of dyin'
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose.

Like a Flake

I fear that I have a very bad memory. I almost forgot about blogging entirely - after just 2 posts. *sigh*. I have a bad memory and a short attention span, which is not always the best combination. I struggle to watch a movie without falling asleep and get distracted almost as easily as my Yorkie.

These aren't my best qualities and they have caused my life to stray every so often. I try my best to be my best, but get distracted along the way by something that seems more fun, or I just forget what my goals were. I have tried writing them down and setting definite goals, dreams and sometimes plain delusions, but either I forget where I wrote them down or I just plain forget to read them.

I have thus decided that planning does not work for me, I love making all kinds of lists, but can't follow them for the life of me. I would rather live life than list it... I don't know if it makes sense.

Who doesn't love a Flake?

Dreaming big and then waking up and forgetting the dream is something I have become to accustomed to. I know that this also makes me seem flaky and distracted to some. I might be. But I know that most of almost everything good that has ever happened to me has been by accident and sometimes a comedy of errors.

I will leave the pen in my Lord's hand, while being willing for anything. I will stop stressing and planning or even stop stressing about my lack of planning and just live simply and love with abundance.

Oor Hobbelperde en Hoop

Ek is mal oor hobbelperde, hulle gee 'n oudtydse gevoel aan enige kamer, veral as hulle van 'n goeie hout gemaak is. As ek op ene klim voel ek sommer gou-gou weer soos 'n kind, nie dat ek te lank terug een was nie, en is sommige aspekte is ek nog steeds een.

Die probleem is dat kinders nie kan wag om grootmense te word nie, en dan sodra ons die grootmens verantwoordelikhede kry, dan wens ons weerons kan net op hobbelperde klim en ons grootste probleem sal wees om nie af te val nie (as jy so ver dink)! Ons is dus nooit ten volle teenwoordig in die fase van ons lewens waar ons onsself bevind nie.

Ek het nie te lank gelede afgestudeer nie, en het daarna begin werk, kort daarna my eerste werk verloor, my tassie gepak en gaan toer. Met my toer beplanning was een van my grootste probleme watter griekse eiland lyk na die lekkerste een... Kaarte was my leesstof, en plakkies my hoogste skoene en die wereld was lekker. Daarna het ek met 'n bondel entoesiasme en hope energie begin werk soek. My moed was keer op keer gebreek en 9maande later was ek eers suksesvol (so lank soos ' n swangerskap!!! Dis bitter laaank).

Hierdie is nou weer 'n heel ander fase van my lewe, met hakke en pakke, sykouse en spertye. Daar is baie om te leer, mense om te ontmoet en die stad bied baie feeste en spyskaarte vir elke geleentheid.

En alhoewel dit nie 100% ek is nie, leer ek baie en hou ek steeds bietjie van die meisie met die blom in haar hare wat kaalvoet op die strand rondloop. Ons word so gou groot en vergeet soms om ons beplanning op sy te skuif en net die oomblik te geniet.

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment”
-Henry David Thoreau

Liza