My Reality

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to walk in someone else's shoes? While I sit in traffic in the mornings I do this all the time. This morning I saw a lady sweeping the side walk, I wondered what was going through her mind and what reality she faced. What did she worry about when she woke up in the morning. What she felt as she stood there humbly sweeping the sidewalk.

I realized again I complain too much. I have a good job, friends, family and hobbies. I can afford to express myself creatively and I get to dine out when I feel like it. We seem to be so dissatisfied with our 9-5 jobs, but we forget the person who is begging for one on the street corner. In Afrikaans we have a word that sums it up nicely - onvergenoegd. It is the term used for people like me and you. We are always wanting, always needing more.

Last night my mother called me and told me that the people at the elephant farm is now looking for someone to help them with the elephants (train and facilitate contact with visitors). We know the people and it would have been a perfect fit for me. It would literally be my dream job. 6 months ago I was in town and unemployed. I don't know why she told me this, I've been trying to figure it out, but since 7pm last night I've been looking at my finances and wondering how I can quit my job and take the lower paying job as an elephant trainer and still be able to pay my bills.

I don't think it will be possible. I can't give my car back now and say I made a mistake I don't want it - and I don't think the salary will even cover my payments. I still need to make the payments on my credit card. I've just signed an apartment lease for a year. These were things I thought I needed. I thought I was ready for grown up life, and all the bills and responsibilities that came with it, but it turns out I'm not. Nor will I ever be. I don't want any of this.

It turns out I envy the people who don't have any bills to pay. This sounds sick and horrible, I know. But how I wish that I could just not have these things that I've sold myself into slavery for. I work to pay the bills, which I've created to fill the void. So here I sit silver spoon in my mouth crying over opportunities that I can't grab, because I have too much.

Mr. friendly street vendor friend person, thanks for the flower and the smile this morning. I envy you.

Giving

When dealing with giving I see myself as a water urn/pitcher. I only have a 2/3/5l capacity and a little tap at the bottom. Should I fill myself up with water and never release some through the tap I will soon have no more space and nothing will get in. Should I as a pitcher/urn have cracks none of the water will stay in me, and I will run on empty, with nothing to pour out. But if I'm a good urn/pitcher and I am filled, I do not let myself overflow, but rather have a positive outflow into someone else's cup who have a less.

Now apply the same to grace, blessings and love and everything you receive from above. You have to give in order to receive. You can't hoard your blessings, you have to be a blessing to others. If you don't have an outflow in your life you will stop having an inflow, simply because you do not have space.

Thus we give because we receive, we receive by grace and mercy. But it is all not about who we are, but who He is. So why shouldn't we give some of that which we get in abundance. A friend told me a story of all the shells on the beach, and how he realized that no expense was spared when this world was created - we receive everything in abundance. We are blessed beyond belief! Our cups really do overflow!

"You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings." Psalm 23:5 (NLT)

A while back I had a day of intense gratefulness for everything I have been blessed with all through my life. Up to the point where I feel I need to be grateful on purpose. I have recently contemplated getting involved in something like volunteer work, but I have little time available and the time I do have is fractured and infrequent to say the least. As it is with most of my friends in the corporate world.

After rethinking my life and situation - also boys and how I choose to live my life. I have decided to start making some changes. I am not going to divulge to deeply into my plan to give back and live without regrets. But I will find an outflow for my inflow of blessings! Hope you do too! May your cup never overflow!

Mistakes

As I was speaking to my sister this weekend I again realised how blessed I've been all my life. Even if I screw things up royally, I always seem to end up in a better place than I was before.

I have many regrets, but I would probably make the same mistakes if I had been given a do-over or a return to start card... Every seemingly insignificant thing that happens forms you as a person, it shapes you and defines how you make your choices from here on out.

I learn things by trial and error, and I believe mistakes are only very stupid if you didn't learn something from them. I live and learn, which is the only way I know how to. Some people take life all too seriously, and forget to get the lesson out of each situation. Because most of the time you can get one. One of my all time favorite quotes is from The Lion King, where Rafiki says to Simba:

“Ah, yes the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it”
-Lion King

Those are some wise words for a crazy monkey. But it is true, as soon as you embrace your past you can become who you are now, and who you are at this stage of your life journey. I have recently started making some of my past mistakes, but as soon as I figure out the road I'm taking is one I've been down before and I realize that it is not one that I want to be on or one I particularly liked (some I liked but they were pretty self destructive), I reasess my situation and start looking for alternatives and pray for a different direction.

Let your TEST become your TESTimony and your MESS become your MESSage!