Handle on Life

Yesterday morning I woke up a bit late, I’ll admit, but not as late as I could have. So I got ready, grabbed everything, and did the final dash to my front door. I was just in time but lo and behold life had something else planned for me, see my front door was broken. I couldn't go anywhere, the mechanism that is supposed to move when I turn the handle had broken. I was stuck in my apartment. The first couple of minutes I turned the door handle again and again in utter disbelief but to no avail. After my 5min freak-out which consisted of pulling frantically at the handle and some excessive swearing, I realized that I should handle this. Nobody is going to do it for me, I live on my own now and need to get this sorted. I put down everything I had in my hands and found my phone, I dialed my landlord and explained what Monday morning had treated me to.

He called me back and said that none of my neighbors were home and that he will send someone as soon as possible (which meant about 30min).  So I sat down on my couch and laughed about my situation, then I called my dad and told him about it to which he replied that he’s going to get me a big ax (I don’t think he was joking) so that I could get out in case of emergency.  So I looked around my apartment and realized how boxed in I was, I have no way of getting out. We do it to ourselves though. We shut out everyone and simultaneously shut ourselves in – so that in crisis times we have no way to get out and nowhere to go to, thus we panic.

We tend to make our lives revolve around a particular thing and when our proverbial door handle breaks, we do not know where to go or how to respond. We lose our handle on life. Whether your box is a relationship, a job, a religion or a status, when that one thing that defines who you see yourself as being ceases to work, we fall apart. That boy that you fell in love with who was just holding your hand till he found something better; or you got retrenched from the job you thought you would be doing for the rest of your life; or even worse – they found out that you were feigning being in control. Who do you call to open the box from the other side? To tear down the walls that you so effectively built up? Who runs to your rescue with an ax? 

A couple of weeks ago we had a service at church where everyone was ministered to – the pastor praying for me prayed for a husband for me, the speedy delivery of a godly man. Hey, I am not against marriage and commitment and I would someday love to have someone who shares everything with me and is able to handle my freak-out when the front door does not work. However the way she said it, made it sound as if I could not live my life until I've found a husband, as if I needed someone to sort everything out for me. I believe that we are each a person on our own. One and One makes Two. We are not two halves just waiting to fit. People aren't puzzles. People should be independently together. Just because someone doesn't love you, it doesn't mean you’re not someone. You can be a person on your own. But am I missing the point? Is that why no one came running with an ax yesterday morning? Should I look for someone to take care of me? Should I stay locked up in my tower like a damsel in distress? And hold out for a hero?

Now I have a confession, I am a needy person, I need attention; however I also need my space and to maintain my own perspective, and not rely solely on someone else's. Love (and sometimes just plain lust – or pseudo love) can blind us and turn us into people we never thought we would be again, but that said it also lets you get to know yourself. To what extremes you would go for another person if you cared for them, and had a notion that they cared for you. To what extent you really need another person, and on how little of their love and attention you are willing to carry on. And just how much you can really accomplish on your own.

Would I be better as I or would I be better as an us? And when I meet someone who might be great as an us will there be sparks, butterflies, lightening or just nothing? Will I know, or will I have to find out at the end? They say you only know it's not true love when it is over.

I believe you should be happy on your own and not let your happiness depend on anyone. People are nice to have around, but your inner joy should not be focused on what you get from others. Because people will let you down. Be independent, be brave and be ready for whatever box you're in to someday fall apart or lock you in - you can handle it.

People

Have you ever sat down and thought about the most defining moments in your life so far? It normally isn't the big things that you thought would stand out - like the job you took, or the salary increase you got. It isn't the new neighborhood you moved to, or the car that you bought. These are all material things that have less of an impact on your overall character. It is the little things, that form you as a person, and it mostly involves people.

The people you meet and interact with has a much greater effect on you than you might care to realize. You need people, you were made for people and some people even need you. You have been made strong to be poured out, to live in community and to serve. Some people you’ll meet along your road are distractions others are there to point you in the direction you need to go and some need your direction. But you need to remember that not everyone you meet will finish with you, you might lose some along the way.

Someone had a quote on a social network of some or other a while ago that read: Some people can only stay in your heart and not in your life. That is a very difficult thing for me to put into action. I understand it, I agree with it, but I struggle to cut people out of my life. How do I know who needs to stay and who doesn’t?

How do you know who you need to serve and who is actually distracting you? Who is wasting your time? And also, how do you pour out completely, without losing yourself completely? If you love yourself and then love others as you love yourself, whom do you compromise?

I fear that sometimes the people I try to love, does not need it from me. That they would be far better off without me, or that I would be better off without them. Everyone hurts, has problems and niggles and giggles. Who decides which are real important? Who do you invest your time in and who do you pass on to the next person?

One of my best friends is a very destructive person, towards herself and to me. She seems to have little concept of reality. Every now and again we stop speaking for a while and after a couple of months we rekindle our friendship only for her to promise that she has changed and to apologize for her selfishness. It normally takes a month for her to fall back into her old ways. It hurts me every time, and I’ve lately started wondering if I am enabling her every time I forgive her? Should I now make the cut final? Should I keep on investing my time, energy and emotions?

How do you care for someone who only cares for themselves? But the other extreme is just as difficult – It is very hard to attach worth to someone who does not attach it to themselves. When people are so broken down that you literally have to build them up hug by hug and word for word. That person standing next to the road with his/her sign who looks like they have walked all the mountain roads in life – not for the scenery. People are like eggs, put them in boiling water and they’ll get rock hard, and if you leave them there long enough they will burst.

 "There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves; it is not my nature. My attachments are always excessively strong." - Jane Austen

I wrote most of this post a couple of days ago, I read it again today and changed a couple of things but I also had a realization. You know, one of those aha-moments. Assuming we are all trying to bring glory to our Creator (I try) – would we not want to do as Jesus had done? He had His 12 disciples. Jesus knew that they weren't perfect and also that some of them will betray and hurt Him, but He still invested His time and energy in them. I thus realize that no person is ever a waste of time. Invest yourself. People are eternal investments, even if they don’t end up finishing the race with you, impact as much as you can, where you can. I’m still not sure of all the other answers, but I think that if you see someone broken and you have the ability to help with repairs, you should.

2013

So before 2012 ends I just want to write one last blogpost. I've been at home with my family for the past week, which has been extremely draining but fun. I don't know how I'll ever be ready for kids of my own, cause even though I do love them, they are so exhausting. I have once again a new found wonder for my mother who raised four kids. Sho. *Sorry I regressed, as this post is actually about the new year and not at all about kids. oops

Anyways so the end of the year is here and social networks are buzzing with people taking stock of the previous year, people looking forward to the new year and even some making those all to lovely New Years Resolutions (NYR) which are never kept. How are we so delusional that we think this year is going to be completely different? Why do we think that because the year has ended, that our thoughts and acts will be renewed instantly as the clock strikes 12?

The thing that most people don't realize is that if they do not change, nothing will. A wise man once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. Making NYR's are probably as effective as wishing upon a shooting star. Yet we all still do that. We probably make these so called promises to ourselves to make us feel better and to feel like we are in control, which is also a strange phenomenon, but not one to be discussed tonight.

Another thing that I've been wondering about is whether we should seize the moment or follow our dreams. I personally think that following your dreams will eventually yield better results, but sometimes those dreams can cause you to miss some amazing opportunities that just pops up, and vice versa, sometimes we get so lost in the moment that we lose focus on our dreams.

I believe that we each have an internal compass that directs our lives. Sometimes we are so off course that we lose ourselves, and who we are. My wish for 2013 is to just keep as close to my internal compass as I possibly can. Whether that means following my dreams or living in the moment, or even it is the same thing.

And I leave you with a thought for the New Year:

“Heroes didn't leap tall buildings or stop bullets with an outstretched hand; they didn't wear boots and capes. They bled, and they bruised, and their superpowers were as simple as listening, or loving. Heroes were ordinary people who knew that even if their own lives were impossibly knotted, they could untangle someone else's. And maybe that one act could lead someone to rescue you right back.”
- Jodi Picoult, Second Glance

Hope you have a great 2013. Be a hero!

Missing

With the recent death of a family member, and the birthday of a friend that passed away earlier this year, I started wondering yet again what life could be all about... And if we will ever figure out the reason for all this we have here on earth. Sometimes I wonder if those who have left us aren't sitting up there thinking what idiots we are with the things we spend all of our time on.

We make less time for actual people time and more time for social networking. Some of us have become so wrapped up in the package that we are trying to sell to the world of who we are that we forget to love the person and not the package. We live for ourselves and make connections only when and where it can benefit us.

We do not spend our time wisely for we do not know how. Days are wasted and people slip through the cracks. We care too little and give too little, be it time or love. I love how children can still genuinely pay attention and listen, without being distracted by a phone buzzing or a series in the background.

When do we make time for each other? Time is all we have. You can't ever get a moment back, and some you won't want back. They say you have to live without regrets, I don't think that is possible. There will always be something you think you could have done differently, and somethings you most probably should have done differently, but living with regrets is not half as bad as living without lessons. 

One thing we should all try to do is:

Let all that you do be done in love" 1Cor16:14

Send time with loved ones.

Smile at a Stranger

Every day when I wake up, I have a choice to either be happy or sad. I can wake up (sometimes late) and go through the whole day rushed without taking anything in or adding anything of value to the world around me. Smiling is the easiest way to add something of value to another persons life, it comes at no expense to you and makes you feel good to. Some days it is a mission to smile to the street vendor, who is trying to make a living and know of no other way.

Do you know how nice the people at the tollgates are? Their names are put up on their booths most of the time. If you greet them by name with a smile and wish them a pleasant day/evening, they greet you back with a smile and most of the time a very warm one. Why have we become so oblivious to the people around us? Most of the time we are bashful and rude to people providing a service that we see as beneath ourselves. We think of ourselves as high and mighty and do not take time to be nice to our fellow humans, unless we seek to gain something from it.

Niceness is not overrated. It creates opportunities to show the love of the Lord to people. Make your service one of niceness and kindness.

James 2:1-9 is my inspiration (actually a law) for treating all people equally and with respect.

James 2: 1 - 9
A Warning against Prejudice
1 My dear brothers and sisters, how can you claim to have faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ if you favor some people over others?
2 For example, suppose someone comes into your meeting dressed in fancy clothes and expensive jewelry, and another comes in who is poor and dressed in dirty clothes. 3 If you give special attention and a good seat to the rich person, but you say to the poor one, “You can stand over there, or else sit on the floor”—well, 4 doesn’t this discrimination show that your judgments are guided by evil motives?


5 Listen to me, dear brothers and sisters. Hasn’t God chosen the poor in this world to be rich in faith? Aren’t they the ones who will inherit the Kingdom he promised to those who love him? 6 But you dishonor the poor! Isn’t it the rich who oppress you and drag you into court? 7 Aren’t they the ones who slander Jesus Christ, whose noble name you bear?


8 Yes indeed, it is good when you obey the royal law as found in the Scriptures: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 9 But if you favor some people over others, you are committing a sin. You are guilty of breaking the law.