Maybe

Maybe all men are a drug, and they can pick you up or make you crash so hard. That is my addiction, I think, the high. Feeling that someone might care, just a little or even a bit. I believe that the hardest thing to let go of is something you never truly had. That which was dangled just out of reach, teasing you, making you feel like you could love having that which you never felt you deserved. Love.

When do you stop, is it when you’ve tried everything you know you possibly can without giving your soul, or do you give that too? When have you done everything you can? How do you know when it is time to give up? Pack up and rebox yourself?

Pain is a funny thing. If you keep on smiling no one can see the scars on your soul, and if you keep on pretending, that which you feel will surely go away, will it not? How long do you have to pretend to be okay before you actually are? What is the point of all of this if we are meant to repress that which we feel, cause society wants you to smile through the tears on your soul and the cracks in your being.

If you cry and no one is there to comfort you, does it really matter? More importantly, do you really matter?

Mistakes

As I was speaking to my sister this weekend I again realised how blessed I've been all my life. Even if I screw things up royally, I always seem to end up in a better place than I was before.

I have many regrets, but I would probably make the same mistakes if I had been given a do-over or a return to start card... Every seemingly insignificant thing that happens forms you as a person, it shapes you and defines how you make your choices from here on out.

I learn things by trial and error, and I believe mistakes are only very stupid if you didn't learn something from them. I live and learn, which is the only way I know how to. Some people take life all too seriously, and forget to get the lesson out of each situation. Because most of the time you can get one. One of my all time favorite quotes is from The Lion King, where Rafiki says to Simba:

“Ah, yes the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it”
-Lion King

Those are some wise words for a crazy monkey. But it is true, as soon as you embrace your past you can become who you are now, and who you are at this stage of your life journey. I have recently started making some of my past mistakes, but as soon as I figure out the road I'm taking is one I've been down before and I realize that it is not one that I want to be on or one I particularly liked (some I liked but they were pretty self destructive), I reasess my situation and start looking for alternatives and pray for a different direction.

Let your TEST become your TESTimony and your MESS become your MESSage!