Iron

 They say you have to strike while the iron is hot. This means that when you have an opportunity to do something you have to do it before you lose your chance. It is a pretty well-known saying and a fairly good motto to live by. But wouldn’t it be better to just strike the iron until it is hot? In other words, create your own opportunities. If we keep on waiting for things to happen for us we will never get things done.

I am a naturally lucky person. I believe this because of all the great things that have happened to me and that I have been blessed enough to experience. That said I also believe that I created my own luck. We can’t sit around and wonder why nothing is happening for us. We need to do small things well in order to strike luck in the big things.

"Luck is the last dying wish of those who wanna believe that winning can happen by accident, sweat on the other hand is for those who know its a choice so decide now because destiny waits for no man. When your time comes and a thousand different voices are trying to tell you you're not ready for it listen instead to that lone voice of dissent, the one that says you are ready, you are prepared, it's all up to you now" - The Grind

A couple of months ago I created a bucket list for myself. On the list are small things that I want to do for myself and others, and big things I also want to do for myself and others. I believe both have equal weight. I put some things on the list that I have done (but not well, and it wasn’t on my list back then) to tick off again. Things like paying off my credit card, random acts of kindness, etc. Most of these will not bring lasting happiness but will show me that I am still heading in the right direction, and I'm in control.

With this list I will keep striking the iron until it is hot, all the things I have put on there might not happen soon, and the circumstances for me to do these things might never arise if I don’t create them. I am the master of my own future, no one else. Every page I write on is written in my own handwriting with my own signature at the bottom. I am thus responsible for all my actions, non-actions, mistakes and victories.

A couple of days ago Nelson Mandela passed away - the poem that he kept in his prison cell was some of the most amazing words I've ever heard... Invictus, by William Henley.

I am a work in progress. I might be raw, but I am ready. I am more ready now than I have ever been in my life, but tomorrow I will be more ready to take on tomorrow’s challenges. Stop believing in one day and make one day happen.

Liefde

Iemand het my 'n ruk terug gevra of ek ooit eers weet wat liefde is. Die vraag pla my, want ek weet nie of ek weet nie. Ek is nie seker wat 'n verhouding is nie. Ek is onseker oor baie van die klein dinge en ek ken miskien nie al die regte antwoorde nie.

Maar ek weet een ding. Ek weet nou al wat die tipe man is waarvoor ek sal kan lief raak. Hy moet die brein van 'n arm seun hê, met die hart van 'n verowenaar. 'n Straal in sy menswees met sprankel in sy gees. Moet kan erken as hy faal, met sy kop omhoog. Bederf sonder om te blik of te bloos. As hy gevang word in die reën moet hy kan lag en dans en uitsien na die reënboog wat kom. Hy moet my nie net aanvaar soos ek is nie, maar elke dag uitdaag om die beste te wees wat ek kan.

Ek soek net die een man om my lief te he, maar sy liefde moet wees; vry soos 'n veldbrand, mal soos die maan, altyd soos more, skielik soos 'n asemhaling en oorwinnend soos die gety. Ek soek net dit. Met die tipe liefde sal ek gelukkig kan wees. 

"A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we're pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we're safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we're two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life." - Richard Bach

Boiling Frogs

They say that the best way to boil a frog is to put him in cold water and gradually turn up the heat to a boil, this way he won’t recognize the threat until it is too late, but if you put him in a pot of boiling water immediately, his survival instincts will cause him to detect danger and he’ll quickly jump out.

Much of my life has presented in this way. I know because I just jumped before it was too late, just like the time before last. I was in too deep and the heat was turning up. I would have done any and everything to stay in that nice warm pot, but I realized that if I don’t jump now I would surely boil. My pot was pretty, cosy and amazing, but apparently this pot was not good for me, and I didn’t fit.

I read Lamentations 2:11 the day that I jumped, it described my feelings after getting out of the pot... “I have cried until the tears no longer come; my heart is broken”. I was sad to leave the pot, under other circumstances maybe the pot would have been a good place to be. But now this one was hurting me, I didn’t feel it immediately but the heat was slowly but surely being turned up.

We all reach a stage in our lives when we realize how much sin we have let in and how much we have sacrificed to stay in this comfortable warm area of our lives.

The enemy is fairly clever with how he presents you with temptation, he doesn’t throw it all at you at once, he lets you slide on the small things, a swear word here or there and maybe a drink or two too much. Slowly he presents the flesh as being more and more attractive. We let sin creep into our lives little by little, bit by bit.

They say there is nothing like the fire of a new believer (or a recently born again Christian) they want to set the world alight with their passion and flames. They throw out the old and make radical changes. So often those changes don’t stick. I was lucky enough to when I decided to make some radical changes have an amazing support group. But some of the changes that the Lord has made are still taking time to manifest in my life. I am sometimes weaker than I care to admit. And sometimes I feel like the changes didn't stick, for every now and again I fall.

In university I had the most worldly friends you could imagine and for me to change within their setting was so hard, don’t get me wrong if asked on a form what their religion was, about 90% of them would say Christian. But God started working on me, making me realize that this was not what He had planned for me, His daughter. So we started making changes to my lifestyle little by little, as not to upset my worldly friends too much, or be labelled an outcast or worse a freak. A popular theme song I didn’t want to my life to dance to, look at what she’s done and now she’s being all holier than though, what a hypocrite!

I started my first job after varsity where God gave me a lifelong great spiritual mentor only down the hall from me, and the most amazing mature brothers and sisters in faith in the building. We had daily prayer hours in our lunch and I saw miracles and started loving the Lord in a deeper way. After that, by the Grace of God, I went to the Netherlands for 6months, I learnt a lot about myself by travelling with God daily, an outreach in Hungary and a month of backpacking later I was back, ready to spread the Gospel and Love because He had loved me. I was made strong to be poured out!

But the enemy saw my all my weaknesses  and slowly but surely I let little sins I had done in the past become favorite habits again. I was still going to church, helping out wherever I could and passionately in love with my Lord but somewhere along the line I had a paradigm shift, from a Gospel World View to a more Worldly (but Christian) World View. You know the one, pushing the boundaries, and justifying everything I did. I was in love with the Lord, but I loved the world too. I realized recently...

Sink or swim. Adapt or die. Jump. Change. The lessons are fairly simple. I was in a pot and it was starting to boil. I had to jump or die...

The important thing is not how far you fall, but how well you get back up, that will be what defines you.

Song for the Day

If I had to put my day into a song, this would be it...

Torn

Natalie Imbruglia

I thought I saw a man brought to life

He was warm, he came around and he was dignified

He showed me what it was to cry

Well you couldn’t be that man I adored

You don't seem to know, don't seem to care what your heart is for

But I don't know him anymore

There's nothing where he used to lie

My conversation has run dry

That's what's going on, nothings fine I’m torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel

I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed into something real

I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn

You're a little late, I’m already torn

So I guess the fortune tellers right

Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light

But you crawled beneath my veins and now

I don't care, I have no luck, I don't miss it all that much

There's just so many things that I can't touch, I’m torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel

I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed into something real

I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn

You're a little late, I'm already torn. torn.

Maybe

Maybe all men are a drug, and they can pick you up or make you crash so hard. That is my addiction, I think, the high. Feeling that someone might care, just a little or even a bit. I believe that the hardest thing to let go of is something you never truly had. That which was dangled just out of reach, teasing you, making you feel like you could love having that which you never felt you deserved. Love.

When do you stop, is it when you’ve tried everything you know you possibly can without giving your soul, or do you give that too? When have you done everything you can? How do you know when it is time to give up? Pack up and rebox yourself?

Pain is a funny thing. If you keep on smiling no one can see the scars on your soul, and if you keep on pretending, that which you feel will surely go away, will it not? How long do you have to pretend to be okay before you actually are? What is the point of all of this if we are meant to repress that which we feel, cause society wants you to smile through the tears on your soul and the cracks in your being.

If you cry and no one is there to comfort you, does it really matter? More importantly, do you really matter?

On Vagrancy

A subject to which few intellectuals ever give a thought is the right to be a vagrant, the freedom to wander. Yet vagrancy is deliverance, and life on the open road is the essence of freedom. To have the courage to smash the chains with which modern life has weighted us (under the pretext that it was offering us more liberty), then to take up the symbolic stick and bundle and get out!

To the one who understands the value and the delectable flavour of solitary freedom (and true freedom depends on solitude) leaving is the most courageous and most beautiful.

An egotistical happiness, possibly. But for him who relishes the flavor, happiness.

To be alone, to be poor in needs, to be ignored, a stranger and at home everywhere, and to walk, great and by oneself, toward the conquest of the world.

The healthy wayfarer sitting beside the road scanning the horizon open before him, is he not the absolute master of the earth, the waters, and even of heaven itself? What housedweller can vie with him in power and wealth? His estate has no limits, his empire no law. No work bends him toward the ground, for the bounty and beauty of the earth are already his.

In our modern society the nomad is a pariah "without known domicile or residence." By adding these few words to the name of anyone whose appearance they consider irregular, those who make and enforce the laws can decide a man's fate.

To have a domicile, a family, a property or a public function, to have a definite means of livelihood and to be a useful cog in the social machine, all these things seem necessary, even indispensable, to the vast majority of men, including intellectuals, and including even those who think of themselves as wholly liberated. And yet such things are only a different form of the slavery that comes of a regulated and predictable contact with others.

I have always listened with admiration, if not envy, to the declarations of citizens who tell how they have lived for twenty or thirty years in the same section of town, or even in the same house, and who have never been out of their native city.

Never to have felt the torturing need to know and see for oneself what is there, beyond the mysterious blue wall of the horizon, not to find the arrangements of life monotonous and depressing, to look at the white road leading off into the unknown distance without feeling the imperious necessity of giving in to it and following it obediently across mountains and valleys!–all this fearful need for immobility resembles the unconscious resignation of the beast stupefied by servitude, offering its neck to the yoke.

There are limits to every domain, and laws to govern every organized power. But the vagabond possesses the whole vast earth that is bounded only by the imaginary horizon. And his empire is intangible, a realm of the spirit where he has his enjoyment and dominion.

- Isabelle Eberhardt, 1900, Algeria.

Arete (ἀρετή)

I have found my favourite word (except for Jézus – the Hungarian word for Jesus and szeretet the, also Hungarian, word for love). The word is Arete (ἀρετή). It is a Greek word used widely in philosophy and other Greek writings. It is an amazing word. Something to aspire to and something to pursue. I will be so bold to say that the meaning of life is Arete.

Arete is normally translated as "virtue", although it actually means something closer to "being the best you can be", or "reaching your highest human potential". The person of arete is a person of the highest effectiveness; they use all their faculties: strength, bravery, wit, and deceptiveness, to achieve real results. It means moral excellence and perfection. Arete in itself is also goodness and gracious acts.

My favourite thing about the word is just how much it says. Arete is the essence of perfection, the virtue of being, the telos or completeness of being... it is the essential and ultimate expression of the person and the mind. When you think of virtue in general terms you are normally led to a kind of moral virtue, but arete as more a way of describing quality, is so much more. It encompasses the whole caboodle.

In modern times we find ourselves pursuing either happiness or purpose. Those are the basic things we seek as humans, we can lump people into seeking either one or the other as their life mission (or using it as a meaning of life). We live with a purpose or to find happiness, nothing wrong with either one.

Happiness as a meaning of life is not talking about the short term pleasures life sometimes has to offer or the superficial happiness, but the happiness that can be found in achieving your long term dreams. This means that your ultimate goal is to maximize your long term happiness by taking actions that you think will get you there in the long run. This is not a bad life philosophy to have as a whole. Most people will in their search for happiness at least contribute something of value to the world. The problem is that happiness can often twist on itself when you make it the goal of all your actions. And then getting what you think would have made you the happiest person (dream job, perfect spouse, etc) just leaves you unhappier and emptier than before.

The other popular life philosophy is purpose or to provide a service to others. This is basically to live with a purpose of helping others as a means of achieving the meaning of life. Some people might argue that these miss out on happiness for themselves, but if you look at amazing people like Mother Theresa and Corrie Ten Bloom, etc. and see the joy they received from helping others you begin to get what Rabindranath Tagore meant when he said “At first I thought life was joy. Then I learnt that life was duty. Finally, I acted and, behold, duty was joy.” Thus serve and you will be happy. The only problem with the purpose life philosophy is that it kind of loops unto itself, i.e. the meaning of life comes from having a purpose; therefore your purpose in life is only to have a purpose, now is there a purpose to your purpose? Serving and purpose is an amazing viewpoint to have, but it does leave some wanting more.

Now take the concept of arete as a meaning of life. Excellence in all things, being the best you can be. Is it not in itself a better view of life than purpose or happiness? Arete also covers the idea that there is excellence in everything. Thus pursuing excellence, whether it creates happiness for yourself or service for others is your ultimate goal. Thus both major life concepts are mere by-products of the general meaning of life. The problem comes in in describing the level of excellence or quality to attain. Thus I do not know the complete secret to life, however if you decide to pursue arete it clarifies a lot of things. Like instead of focusing on just your total happiness or your total service, you focus on the quality of what you do. A painting can be arete, pure excellence. It might not be your life purpose or provide long term happiness, but the painting in itself can be arete.

Arete is used in the original Greek texts in the Bible as well and is translated to various forms of the word; praise, virtue, excellence, excellencies and moral excellence. For example:

“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence (arete) and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” Philippians 4:8

I believe the meaning of life is Arete. To be the best at all things that you possibly can be...

Words

All the words have already been created – it is up to you how you use them. Every word has been spoken, and most lines have been used. In a world striving for originality we use the same mundane words over and over again. When we are little we are taught a bunch of words and their meanings, we learn to use them in sentences. As we grow older we find it more and more difficult to form sentences to express what we want to say, we want to string the words in the exact order and make sure our intentions cannot be misinterpreted, because one word can change a life, one word can break a heart, and one word can mend a person. Words have power.

All the good words are taken and all the worthwhile stories have been told. Or that is at least how I feel sometimes. I find stories very interesting, because even though they use the same words, they can be completely different in meaning. Sentences changes words. How we interpret them and how we respond to them is unique in every situation. There are still stories out there waiting for their words to be connected to them, and every good story has to start with a single word somewhere, just like every book starts with a sentence. Connect the words and make a story.

It is funny though, how sometimes the most important message can be conveyed with no words spoken. Silence sometimes speaks so loudly that words can become irrelevant. We show what we feel by every action and sometimes the words left unsaid in the silences are more powerful than those spoken clearly without hesitation. The biggest problem I can see with words left unsaid, is that they can easily be ignored and sometimes misinterpreted.

But as we say too little children, go out and use your words child... Cause words have power.

Weeds

Today I started on a new project, to create a weed eradication plan for our company. I need to develop a plan / management strategy to prevent the weeds from taking over our soil and to remove them if they become a problem. I have not started on that yet, because just the thought of it had me wondering all morning. Weeds are created weeds; they weren’t beautiful flowers, with potential to be planted in someone’s pristine garden and made some wrong choices which made them the weeds of the Plantea kingdom. They are a menace to the rest of the plants. They use more water than they are worth and they invade areas where they aren’t welcome.

The New shorter Oxford English Dictionary defines a weed as an herbaceous plant not valued for use or beauty, growing wild and rank, and regarded as cumbering the ground or hindering the growth of superior vegetation... Applied to a shrub or tree, especially to a large tree, on account of its abundance in a district... An unprofitable, troublesome, or noxious growth.

So weeds are just plants not valued for their beauty and use? Some of them do actually have uses. Why is some vegetation superior to others? Why has it been created with superiority? Should all plants not be equal? Should we not value each plant for what it has to offer, even if it is just a little different, maybe a bit poisonous or troublesome?

The Britannica Encyclopaedia has this to say about weeds: 

“A weed, is any plant growing where it is not wanted. Ever since human beings first attempted the cultivation of plants, they have had to fight the invasion by weeds into areas chosen for crops. Some unwanted plants later were found to have virtues not originally suspected and so were removed from the category of weeds and taken under cultivation. Other cultivated plants, when transplanted to new climates, escaped cultivation and became weeds. The category of weeds thus is ever changing, and the term is a relative one.”

Thus one persons weed can be another person’s superior plant species. We need to start making sure that we don’t classify weeds solely based on our own opinion. It is a relative term and the plants involved can be hurt in the process. Make sure that what you see as a weed isn’t someone else’s rose. It is all just a matter of perspective. Learn to tolerate.

Having said that, I need to start on my weed eradication plan... oi.

Success

How do you define your success? Do you set definite goals and targets for you to meet? Do you need to be somewhere you weren't a year ago? Do you have the need to be recognized as a great person or leader by others? Do you need followers? Do you need people to acknowledge that what you say is good and true and validate your ideas and existence? Do you need to feed or serve to a certain amount to make you a better person? What defines your success?

Do you even know what it is you need to achieve success as? We look at what we want to do and measure our success by worldly standards. If you look at a man like Noah, Noah was an excellent shipbuilder, but that wasn’t his main profession – Noah was a preacher. In worldly standards we would have called him a terrible failure as a preacher, 7 converts in 120 years (all family members) - not a good track record. He was a failure by worldly standards. Also look at Jeremiah, great preacher – no results though. He fell out with all the religious crowds, fell out with royalty and weren’t all too popular with the plain folks either. The only one he seemed to please was God.

Same with Jesus, He was also such a failure by worldly standards – He never printed a book, didn’t build a school for the blind, didn’t organize a church group or a bible study or do any of the things we see as a necessity to ensure our wellbeing and high standing in the world (or even in the church). He preached for 3 years, healed and fed thousands and yet when it was over, He had no one left and appeared to but a few after He was resurrected. He was denied and betrayed by those closest to Him, all men forsook Him and fled. He was a failure by every worldly standard.

But by Godly standard He was GOD. He had a different measure of success than we do as people. Should we not rather try to measure up to His standard of success?

We view people as successful when they can get the job done. We need to figure out by what standard of success we measure our lives and our ministries. 

A pastor I listened to a while ago asked the question, “Is God and end or is He a means?”

And also "Are we serving men in the name of God or serving God in the name of men?"

Scar-tissue

I realized this weekend just how much I enjoy being on my own. I will be happy on my own. It is not because I truly think I will be a more fulfilled happy person alone, but because I don’t think I am built for things falling apart around me. What if I fell in love, I liked it, started needing it and shaped my life around it and then it all just fell apart. I wouldn't be able to handle that kind of pain. I wouldn't be able to pick myself up and carry on. I am a strong person, but I do not love in halves – I love completely, with all I am in a stupid; ‘I love your music, I’ll cook you breakfast’ kind of way... this type of love creates scars in unexpected places, and those scars never properly heal. We carry them with us everywhere we go and though the cut’s long gone, the pain still lingers.

“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” - Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

If you keep your expectations from others to a minimum, you won’t be heartbroken and disappointed the whole time. It might sound very morbid, but it is true. If you depend on others you can expect heartache and failure, hell, even if you only depend on yourself, you can expect failure (significantly less though). We’re human, we’re broken and we live by mending, all our scars are road maps and diagrams that explain where we've been and where we are heading. They are lessons that we sometimes have to learn over and over again. We’re stubborn and stupid, hell-bent on surviving. But not only surviving, we want to achieve excellence, and be remembered for what we contributed. And we want to love and be loved back.

We all have enough scar tissue in our hearts to know that we should not simply love, trust or hope, because it hurts like hell. Some of us listen to the diagrams in our hearts. Others completely ignore it. I know that if I love I will get broken more, I avoid caring too much if at all possible, but sometimes it sneaks up on you from behind, and you wake up one morning realizing that you care too much for someone.

How do you now rectify that? How does one stop caring?

Meredith Grey said that losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is; Death ends. This? It could go on forever...

The Next Next Generation

Imagine growing up and all your baby pictures are not only stacked up in your parents entrance hall, but also every picture of every burp and embarrassing thing you've ever done is posted on your mom’s Facebook timeline and all over the rest of the internet. Now everything you have ever done is on display for the world to see, either captured in a picture or a status. If you Google yourself, you can find your whole life on the internet. This is not something we think about. But it is a reality our kids are going to face.

I personally think that our little act of entertainment will screw up our children royally. I have previously said that we all broadcast too much of ourselves – but we also broadcast too much of those that are entrusted to us. Imagine reading a blog your mom or dad wrote in their 20’s. Our kids are going to grow up with it. They are going to be able to find out what we were doing when we were in our 20 somethings, by scrolling down our Facebook timeline, reading our tweets, etc.

Post responsibly. Once you posted something on the internet you can’t ever really fully delete it. Our tech savvy kids will be able to dig it up. They will see your drunken party pictures, judge you by your profile pictures, see how many people you dated and when. Your whole youth will be out there, for them and their friends to see and for them to call you on. No hiding that you were also a person before you became a parent (I of course grew up with the notion that my parents were never young, they've just always been parents, and have only recently found out that they had lives before they had kids, shocker!).

Will they be more popular in school because of the amount of likes their baby page has? What happens to the kid who has no Facebook page of his or her own, created by their loving mom? Is he/she immediately labelled an outcast?

You might think that these things are cute now, and easier than sending Christmas cards with photo updates, but think about the long run. I personally don't want to see pictures of me as a baby in a bathtub on the internet, and I don't know that many people that will want to.

I think my generation are producing some messed up kids. Facebook is not your personal family album! Think before you post!

Handle on Life

Yesterday morning I woke up a bit late, I’ll admit, but not as late as I could have. So I got ready, grabbed everything, and did the final dash to my front door. I was just in time but lo and behold life had something else planned for me, see my front door was broken. I couldn't go anywhere, the mechanism that is supposed to move when I turn the handle had broken. I was stuck in my apartment. The first couple of minutes I turned the door handle again and again in utter disbelief but to no avail. After my 5min freak-out which consisted of pulling frantically at the handle and some excessive swearing, I realized that I should handle this. Nobody is going to do it for me, I live on my own now and need to get this sorted. I put down everything I had in my hands and found my phone, I dialed my landlord and explained what Monday morning had treated me to.

He called me back and said that none of my neighbors were home and that he will send someone as soon as possible (which meant about 30min).  So I sat down on my couch and laughed about my situation, then I called my dad and told him about it to which he replied that he’s going to get me a big ax (I don’t think he was joking) so that I could get out in case of emergency.  So I looked around my apartment and realized how boxed in I was, I have no way of getting out. We do it to ourselves though. We shut out everyone and simultaneously shut ourselves in – so that in crisis times we have no way to get out and nowhere to go to, thus we panic.

We tend to make our lives revolve around a particular thing and when our proverbial door handle breaks, we do not know where to go or how to respond. We lose our handle on life. Whether your box is a relationship, a job, a religion or a status, when that one thing that defines who you see yourself as being ceases to work, we fall apart. That boy that you fell in love with who was just holding your hand till he found something better; or you got retrenched from the job you thought you would be doing for the rest of your life; or even worse – they found out that you were feigning being in control. Who do you call to open the box from the other side? To tear down the walls that you so effectively built up? Who runs to your rescue with an ax? 

A couple of weeks ago we had a service at church where everyone was ministered to – the pastor praying for me prayed for a husband for me, the speedy delivery of a godly man. Hey, I am not against marriage and commitment and I would someday love to have someone who shares everything with me and is able to handle my freak-out when the front door does not work. However the way she said it, made it sound as if I could not live my life until I've found a husband, as if I needed someone to sort everything out for me. I believe that we are each a person on our own. One and One makes Two. We are not two halves just waiting to fit. People aren't puzzles. People should be independently together. Just because someone doesn't love you, it doesn't mean you’re not someone. You can be a person on your own. But am I missing the point? Is that why no one came running with an ax yesterday morning? Should I look for someone to take care of me? Should I stay locked up in my tower like a damsel in distress? And hold out for a hero?

Now I have a confession, I am a needy person, I need attention; however I also need my space and to maintain my own perspective, and not rely solely on someone else's. Love (and sometimes just plain lust – or pseudo love) can blind us and turn us into people we never thought we would be again, but that said it also lets you get to know yourself. To what extremes you would go for another person if you cared for them, and had a notion that they cared for you. To what extent you really need another person, and on how little of their love and attention you are willing to carry on. And just how much you can really accomplish on your own.

Would I be better as I or would I be better as an us? And when I meet someone who might be great as an us will there be sparks, butterflies, lightening or just nothing? Will I know, or will I have to find out at the end? They say you only know it's not true love when it is over.

I believe you should be happy on your own and not let your happiness depend on anyone. People are nice to have around, but your inner joy should not be focused on what you get from others. Because people will let you down. Be independent, be brave and be ready for whatever box you're in to someday fall apart or lock you in - you can handle it.

People

Have you ever sat down and thought about the most defining moments in your life so far? It normally isn't the big things that you thought would stand out - like the job you took, or the salary increase you got. It isn't the new neighborhood you moved to, or the car that you bought. These are all material things that have less of an impact on your overall character. It is the little things, that form you as a person, and it mostly involves people.

The people you meet and interact with has a much greater effect on you than you might care to realize. You need people, you were made for people and some people even need you. You have been made strong to be poured out, to live in community and to serve. Some people you’ll meet along your road are distractions others are there to point you in the direction you need to go and some need your direction. But you need to remember that not everyone you meet will finish with you, you might lose some along the way.

Someone had a quote on a social network of some or other a while ago that read: Some people can only stay in your heart and not in your life. That is a very difficult thing for me to put into action. I understand it, I agree with it, but I struggle to cut people out of my life. How do I know who needs to stay and who doesn’t?

How do you know who you need to serve and who is actually distracting you? Who is wasting your time? And also, how do you pour out completely, without losing yourself completely? If you love yourself and then love others as you love yourself, whom do you compromise?

I fear that sometimes the people I try to love, does not need it from me. That they would be far better off without me, or that I would be better off without them. Everyone hurts, has problems and niggles and giggles. Who decides which are real important? Who do you invest your time in and who do you pass on to the next person?

One of my best friends is a very destructive person, towards herself and to me. She seems to have little concept of reality. Every now and again we stop speaking for a while and after a couple of months we rekindle our friendship only for her to promise that she has changed and to apologize for her selfishness. It normally takes a month for her to fall back into her old ways. It hurts me every time, and I’ve lately started wondering if I am enabling her every time I forgive her? Should I now make the cut final? Should I keep on investing my time, energy and emotions?

How do you care for someone who only cares for themselves? But the other extreme is just as difficult – It is very hard to attach worth to someone who does not attach it to themselves. When people are so broken down that you literally have to build them up hug by hug and word for word. That person standing next to the road with his/her sign who looks like they have walked all the mountain roads in life – not for the scenery. People are like eggs, put them in boiling water and they’ll get rock hard, and if you leave them there long enough they will burst.

 "There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves; it is not my nature. My attachments are always excessively strong." - Jane Austen

I wrote most of this post a couple of days ago, I read it again today and changed a couple of things but I also had a realization. You know, one of those aha-moments. Assuming we are all trying to bring glory to our Creator (I try) – would we not want to do as Jesus had done? He had His 12 disciples. Jesus knew that they weren't perfect and also that some of them will betray and hurt Him, but He still invested His time and energy in them. I thus realize that no person is ever a waste of time. Invest yourself. People are eternal investments, even if they don’t end up finishing the race with you, impact as much as you can, where you can. I’m still not sure of all the other answers, but I think that if you see someone broken and you have the ability to help with repairs, you should.

Dissapointment

“Heaven is not a place, and it is not a time. Heaven is being perfect. You will begin to touch heaven, Jonathan, in the moment that you touch perfect speed. And that isn't flying a thousand miles an hour, or a million, or flying at the speed of light. Because any number is a limit, and perfection doesn't have limits. Perfect speed, my son, is being there.”
- Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull

Disappointment... most of us meet up with it frequently. We are disappointed by many things - lovers, friends and family, but none of those has such a capacity to disappoint us, as we ourselves do. We seem to be more forgiving towards others than to ourselves. We desperately feel the need to be nothing less than perfect.

Have you ever not done something because you fear you will fail? I do it all the time. I know what I need to do to get to where I want to be, but fear of the unknown and fear of failure are my two greatest opponents.

We fear failure because it is not tolerated by society, our parents or our peers. We have the need to succeed, to show them that we are worth their love and time and attention. The problem is that we will fail horribly at some things (actually more often than not) on a daily basis. So why let fear of the unknown hold you back?? Is it to spare you the mockery of not being perfect?

Alanis Morisette has a song that sums it up nicely - Perfect: "We love you, just the way you are, if you're perfect..."

I am facing my fears of rejection and failure one by one, as I have built up a whole list of things that I should do but have always been to scared to do. I might have had bigger dreams than I should have, but that is okay. You sometimes need a little failure to keep you humble.

My dad gave me a book to read at the end of 2012 - Jonathan Livingston Seagull, written by Richard Bach. It is a thin book about a seagull who wishes to fly higher and be more than seagulls are accustomed to being - a true classic. Inspirational and simple. The lessons are as simple and true as you get, be the best you can be, fall down, get back up and always aim higher!

“Don’t believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding. Find out what you already know and you will see the way to fly.”
- Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull

Don't make your dreams little so that little people won't feel threatened.

Perfect

Sometimes is never quite enough

If you're flawless, then you'll win my love

Don't forget to win first place

Don't forget to keep that smile on your face

Be a good boy

Try a little harder

You've got to measure up

And make me prouder

How long before you screw it up

How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up

With everything I do for you

The least you can do is keep quiet

Be a good girl

You've gotta try a little harder

That simply wasn't good enough

To make us proud

I'll live through you

I'll make you what I never was

If you're the best, then maybe so am I

Compared to him compared to her

I'm doing this for your own damn good

You'll make up for what I blew

What's the problem, why are you crying

Be a good boy

Push a little farther now

That wasn't fast enough

To make us happy

We'll love you just the way you are

If you're perfect

On My Own

So since yesterday approximately 5pm I am officially on my own. I moved into my new flat - it is really pretty by the way! But I am, for the first time in my life, living completely on my own. It is something to get used to. Not having someone there in the mornings or after work, having to do all your own cooking and cleaning and not having anyone to complain to about the monsters under my bed...

I have lived kind of on my own while I traveled most of Europe on my own. It was very different as I was in a different country and everything was new everyday, but there I found out that I'm actually in very good company. I'm content with myself. I know I'll be alone now - but that doesn't mean I have to be lonely. I have amazing friends and great neighbors here.

So this morning I woke up to the first day of the rest of my life. Maybe I will marry someday and have to figure out how much everything has changed and how things fall into place then. For now though I'll have to figure out what makes me happy, what I want to do with my time and how I want to spend my evenings.

I will discover, explore, appreciate and if I need ice cream to remind me that life is good, I will indulge.

My Reality

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to walk in someone else's shoes? While I sit in traffic in the mornings I do this all the time. This morning I saw a lady sweeping the side walk, I wondered what was going through her mind and what reality she faced. What did she worry about when she woke up in the morning. What she felt as she stood there humbly sweeping the sidewalk.

I realized again I complain too much. I have a good job, friends, family and hobbies. I can afford to express myself creatively and I get to dine out when I feel like it. We seem to be so dissatisfied with our 9-5 jobs, but we forget the person who is begging for one on the street corner. In Afrikaans we have a word that sums it up nicely - onvergenoegd. It is the term used for people like me and you. We are always wanting, always needing more.

Last night my mother called me and told me that the people at the elephant farm is now looking for someone to help them with the elephants (train and facilitate contact with visitors). We know the people and it would have been a perfect fit for me. It would literally be my dream job. 6 months ago I was in town and unemployed. I don't know why she told me this, I've been trying to figure it out, but since 7pm last night I've been looking at my finances and wondering how I can quit my job and take the lower paying job as an elephant trainer and still be able to pay my bills.

I don't think it will be possible. I can't give my car back now and say I made a mistake I don't want it - and I don't think the salary will even cover my payments. I still need to make the payments on my credit card. I've just signed an apartment lease for a year. These were things I thought I needed. I thought I was ready for grown up life, and all the bills and responsibilities that came with it, but it turns out I'm not. Nor will I ever be. I don't want any of this.

It turns out I envy the people who don't have any bills to pay. This sounds sick and horrible, I know. But how I wish that I could just not have these things that I've sold myself into slavery for. I work to pay the bills, which I've created to fill the void. So here I sit silver spoon in my mouth crying over opportunities that I can't grab, because I have too much.

Mr. friendly street vendor friend person, thanks for the flower and the smile this morning. I envy you.

Society

 "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society" 
- Jiddu Krishnamurti 

We live in a world where a 20 year old boy for no know reason walks into a school full of 6 year olds and shoots 20 of them and 6 grown ups. Where a mother drops her 3 and 5 year old daughters off on a New York street with extra diapers, also for no apparent reason. Where  a 23 year old woman in India dies after a violent gang rape. Where a 10 month old baby is raped by her uncle. We find babies in dumpsters, toilets and left out in parks. Or you can just deposit him/her in a drop box if you feel you can't look after him/her.

How has our world become so negligent of those who are the most vulnerable? The little ones who we are supposed to look after? The world we live in is just getting worse day by day. You can read any news website, in any country, in our sick world and it will tell you the same. The world is full of sick bastards.

I read these articles with tears in my eyes most of the time - I actually don't like reading, listening or watching news for that reason exactly. I can't understand the mentality with which these people operate. The mind of a rapist or murderer is a horribly fascinating thing (with extra emphasis on horribly). Why do people do these things? Is it a sense of entitlement? A feeling of power they get from submitting another person to their will or power?

We all know that the victim is someone's child - but we so often forget that the perpetrator is also someone's son/daughter, someone who also had high hopes for their child. Someone fed that child, hugged him and maybe even loved him. Do you feel failure as a parent if your child turns into one of these perps? Do you wonder where you went wrong? Do you also wonder how his mind now got so bent that his sense of right and wrong is so terribly affected? Does he even know right from wrong? What separates the criminals from the rest of us - or do we all have the capacity to commit horrific crimes no matter how seemingly nice we look?

If we all have the capacity for good I assume we have a similar capacity for evil. So what triggers a person to display either of these attributes? I don't know.

In my first year of high school our principle told us a story that has forever stayed with me. He told a story of two brothers who had the same upbringing and the same alcoholic dad, who never cared much for them or anything in the world. The one brother made a complete mess of his life and also became an alcoholic and the other brother became a successful business man - never drank a drop in his life. When asked why they think they turned out the way they did, both brothers answered "because of my father".

We live in a sick world. Let's try our best not to add grief to it, but to rather add a smile or an encouraging word wherever we can.

Happy Ever After

What happens if happy ever after just isn't? How did they come op with the term? Why would one instance make you happy forever after that? We rely so much on our emotions and what we perceive to be happiness, would we even know what it is if it hit us in our faces?

I love fairy tales, with castles and princesses and a prince who just knows that that one girl is the person for them. They've forsaken all others and will be happy with that one single princess for the rest of their natural lives. Most of the Prince Charming's are interesting characters - not because they are so well developed in the story, but because of their complete and utter dedication to the cause of finding a wife, and not just any wife, that one special princess locked up in a tower, or fast asleep, or under curse by apple. Why so much drama to find your princess? No nice ordinary girls in your kingdom?

I think the reason that girls are so obsessed with fairy tales and stories about princesses is for exactly that reason, we want to believe that our true love is out there slaying dragons to find us and that he will walk through fire to be with us. We face a sad reality when we grow up. Most men aren't charming and they're definitely not knights in shining armor on a quest to rescue you. You'll have to rescue yourself, babe.

The reality of the matter is just that you might be swept off your feet by a charming man - only to realize that he has an ex and a past and he turns out to be a complete and utter ass. No one is unscarred by our modern civilization. Everybody hurts. Everybody pretends.

We give way too much of ourselves too soon and when we do find that one person, who might not be perfect, but he's everything you want, you've already given so much of yourself away to people who were curious about you but never really cared, that you have too little left to give and he's not interested in the little.

How do you convince someone that you will not add to their hurt, and how can you be sure you won't? Are we all just shipwrecks floating to the shore, maybe we'll bump into someone we kind of like along the way, but how can we be sure? How do you know when you have found what you've been looking for?

Today

Today, I will hold my head up and be okay. This is my pep talk for today. I will smile even when my face starts cracking. I will even smile at the lady who almost drove into me and then swore at me. I will stand tall and sit upright, with a focus that I do not have today. I will simulate togetherness. Why? 

Because I need to. We need to keep up appearances, see. We can't be broken in a broken world - no one would accept failure, honesty or hurt. No one will love you if you are not perfect. You have to put on your face and keep pushing. My mom used to tell me that the world doesn't stop because of your heartache or pain. Nothing else falls apart, except you. Oh and don't worry, when one thing goes wrong they all tend to spiral.

We have this strange compulsion to being what the world expects us to be. And even if we simulate it all perfectly, we still end up feeling like crap, because it is all just a simulation. Like a character in a fantasy game, or one in Days of Our Lives. Not real.

But what is real? Can we fake an emotion enough times and make it believable, or even real? Can we keep on faking and eventually believe what we've been faking? Can you get so tangled up in the masks you wear daily that you don't know which one isn't a mask?

“No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true."

- Nathaniel Hawthorne

When will we start admitting that we are all shipwrecks? Of course you pitch up to work and you do what you're supposed to, and you paste a smile on your face cause nobody wants to look at a sour grape, but don't be someone you're not. Still be yourself. Don't simulate a character to live as, you are better than that. You have unique talents, ideas, experiences and thoughts? Contribute!

There's a difference between striving to be better and faking already being better.

Back to School

This morning as I was driving to work, I started feeling incredibly sad that the new school year has started and that all the universities will also be starting soon. I remember my first year out of school like it was yesterday - and I would not trade it for the world.

To have the feeling that you have the world at your feet, you can now do any- and everything you ever wanted to do. It is the first year of the rest of your life. That year in which you make all the important decisions. Whether you want to travel, study, marry, marry rich, just have babies, etc. Of course you can change your mind along the way and all your plans won't work out. But you still have that amazing feeling that you can go anywhere and become anyone.

To have to decide what you will be doing with the rest of your life is a big choice. Will you study to be a doctor or just settle for marrying one? Will you be the next big sportsman or the next best thing to it. The world is full of endless opportunities, you just have to grab them.

I thought about my exciting time as a first year student, little in life has compared to that complete and utter exhilaration. Everything is new and shiny.  But we all move on from there and we find ourselves along the way. We lose some of who we were, lose some of who we thought we wanted to be and change into the person we eventually end up being. We all change constantly, but I think those first couple of years on your own are what forms you most. You make friends without influences from your parents or circumstances. Your choices are based on what you have learnt about the world up until now (which is actually nothing) and you judge according to your upbringing.

As I said, change is constant, and I believe it can be radical too. If you take a wrong turn somewhere along the way, you can always backtrack and start taking the better path from that moment onward, it is never too late to change anything and everything.

I think I will always think about this time of year with sadness and look back and wish that I could go back and relive it all and maybe make less mistakes than I ended up making. But those mistakes made me the person I am today: not always bright, but shiny and full of light.

Giving

When dealing with giving I see myself as a water urn/pitcher. I only have a 2/3/5l capacity and a little tap at the bottom. Should I fill myself up with water and never release some through the tap I will soon have no more space and nothing will get in. Should I as a pitcher/urn have cracks none of the water will stay in me, and I will run on empty, with nothing to pour out. But if I'm a good urn/pitcher and I am filled, I do not let myself overflow, but rather have a positive outflow into someone else's cup who have a less.

Now apply the same to grace, blessings and love and everything you receive from above. You have to give in order to receive. You can't hoard your blessings, you have to be a blessing to others. If you don't have an outflow in your life you will stop having an inflow, simply because you do not have space.

Thus we give because we receive, we receive by grace and mercy. But it is all not about who we are, but who He is. So why shouldn't we give some of that which we get in abundance. A friend told me a story of all the shells on the beach, and how he realized that no expense was spared when this world was created - we receive everything in abundance. We are blessed beyond belief! Our cups really do overflow!

"You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings." Psalm 23:5 (NLT)

A while back I had a day of intense gratefulness for everything I have been blessed with all through my life. Up to the point where I feel I need to be grateful on purpose. I have recently contemplated getting involved in something like volunteer work, but I have little time available and the time I do have is fractured and infrequent to say the least. As it is with most of my friends in the corporate world.

After rethinking my life and situation - also boys and how I choose to live my life. I have decided to start making some changes. I am not going to divulge to deeply into my plan to give back and live without regrets. But I will find an outflow for my inflow of blessings! Hope you do too! May your cup never overflow!

David

This morning my Bible study was about King David. He was a sinner and a saint. But he was also a hero.

Sometimes the true heroes aren't the supermen and women - they are the severely flawed ones who fall down time and time again, but also get back up - and those are the ones I most look up to. David is such a hero to me, he did absolutely amazing things for the Lord but he also fell down (hard) and his sins are written down for all the world to see and judge. Still he kept singing his song and praising the Lord.

"But you, O Lord, are a shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high." Psalm 3:3 (NLT).

David was the author of most of the Psalms, he wrote them with feeling and truth, but also with authenticity, remorse, regret, faith, love and hope. He wasn't afraid to admit how much he needed God and how fallible he was. He, the warrior who had slain Goliath and became King, admits to complete surrender to the Lord.

"I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." Psalm 16:2 (NIV).

"And he said, The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; The God of my rock; in him will I trust: he is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my saviour; thou savest me from violence." 2 Samuel 22:2 - 3 (KJV).

Another amazing thing about David's story is how God uses his mistakes. Everybody knows the story of David and Bathsheba. They were punished for what they had done, but God forgave them and a second child was born to David and Bathsheba. This child was not a "loser" or "drop-out" but he became instead the wisest King to ever rule. Solomon. Their union which had started out as dirty and sinful, was restored and made holy by His grace.

I have fallen many times. I have gotten back up, sometimes I am ashamed of all the mercy and grace I have received from God (ashamed of how much I have needed) - sometimes I feel undeserving. I have been healed, blessed, restored and made holy. I remind myself that I receive this not because of who I am, but because of who He is. I do not deserve it, and yet He loves me more than I can ever comprehend. His Love is unconditional, unfailing and never-ending. I do not have to prove myself to Him, and I can't even do anything in return. But because I've been forgiven so much and I receive so much love, I must give as well.

"Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins." Psalm 51:1

Circumstances

I have often times heard people say that we are but a product of our circumstances. In a certain way that statement bears some truth, but only up to a certain stage in our lives. After that our circumstances become but a product of us, who we are and what we do.

We influence the world around us (our circumstances) by how we act, how we perceive, and even by how we fail to act. I also believe that we influence more than we are influenced. I have no scientific basis for this belief, but I still hold it to be true.

I love the word influence, in physics the word fluence can be used to describe the energy delivered per unit area. We should all aim to have the highest fluence rate into other people's lives even if it is just a smile, kind word or a much needed hug.

Your self worth cannot be tied up in your circumstances and your influence in people's lives can be great whatever your circumstance. It is difficult however to attach worth to someone who does not attach it to himself.

We are called to live lives of compassion and service, not indifference and selfishness. But you have to learn to love yourself first before you can love others as you love yourself or expect anyone to love you.

Do we create the moments in our lives or does the moments in our lives create us?