Boiling Frogs

They say that the best way to boil a frog is to put him in cold water and gradually turn up the heat to a boil, this way he won’t recognize the threat until it is too late, but if you put him in a pot of boiling water immediately, his survival instincts will cause him to detect danger and he’ll quickly jump out.

Much of my life has presented in this way. I know because I just jumped before it was too late, just like the time before last. I was in too deep and the heat was turning up. I would have done any and everything to stay in that nice warm pot, but I realized that if I don’t jump now I would surely boil. My pot was pretty, cosy and amazing, but apparently this pot was not good for me, and I didn’t fit.

I read Lamentations 2:11 the day that I jumped, it described my feelings after getting out of the pot... “I have cried until the tears no longer come; my heart is broken”. I was sad to leave the pot, under other circumstances maybe the pot would have been a good place to be. But now this one was hurting me, I didn’t feel it immediately but the heat was slowly but surely being turned up.

We all reach a stage in our lives when we realize how much sin we have let in and how much we have sacrificed to stay in this comfortable warm area of our lives.

The enemy is fairly clever with how he presents you with temptation, he doesn’t throw it all at you at once, he lets you slide on the small things, a swear word here or there and maybe a drink or two too much. Slowly he presents the flesh as being more and more attractive. We let sin creep into our lives little by little, bit by bit.

They say there is nothing like the fire of a new believer (or a recently born again Christian) they want to set the world alight with their passion and flames. They throw out the old and make radical changes. So often those changes don’t stick. I was lucky enough to when I decided to make some radical changes have an amazing support group. But some of the changes that the Lord has made are still taking time to manifest in my life. I am sometimes weaker than I care to admit. And sometimes I feel like the changes didn't stick, for every now and again I fall.

In university I had the most worldly friends you could imagine and for me to change within their setting was so hard, don’t get me wrong if asked on a form what their religion was, about 90% of them would say Christian. But God started working on me, making me realize that this was not what He had planned for me, His daughter. So we started making changes to my lifestyle little by little, as not to upset my worldly friends too much, or be labelled an outcast or worse a freak. A popular theme song I didn’t want to my life to dance to, look at what she’s done and now she’s being all holier than though, what a hypocrite!

I started my first job after varsity where God gave me a lifelong great spiritual mentor only down the hall from me, and the most amazing mature brothers and sisters in faith in the building. We had daily prayer hours in our lunch and I saw miracles and started loving the Lord in a deeper way. After that, by the Grace of God, I went to the Netherlands for 6months, I learnt a lot about myself by travelling with God daily, an outreach in Hungary and a month of backpacking later I was back, ready to spread the Gospel and Love because He had loved me. I was made strong to be poured out!

But the enemy saw my all my weaknesses  and slowly but surely I let little sins I had done in the past become favorite habits again. I was still going to church, helping out wherever I could and passionately in love with my Lord but somewhere along the line I had a paradigm shift, from a Gospel World View to a more Worldly (but Christian) World View. You know the one, pushing the boundaries, and justifying everything I did. I was in love with the Lord, but I loved the world too. I realized recently...

Sink or swim. Adapt or die. Jump. Change. The lessons are fairly simple. I was in a pot and it was starting to boil. I had to jump or die...

The important thing is not how far you fall, but how well you get back up, that will be what defines you.

Song for the Day

If I had to put my day into a song, this would be it...

Torn

Natalie Imbruglia

I thought I saw a man brought to life

He was warm, he came around and he was dignified

He showed me what it was to cry

Well you couldn’t be that man I adored

You don't seem to know, don't seem to care what your heart is for

But I don't know him anymore

There's nothing where he used to lie

My conversation has run dry

That's what's going on, nothings fine I’m torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel

I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed into something real

I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn

You're a little late, I’m already torn

So I guess the fortune tellers right

Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light

But you crawled beneath my veins and now

I don't care, I have no luck, I don't miss it all that much

There's just so many things that I can't touch, I’m torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel

I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed into something real

I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn

You're a little late, I'm already torn. torn.

Maybe

Maybe all men are a drug, and they can pick you up or make you crash so hard. That is my addiction, I think, the high. Feeling that someone might care, just a little or even a bit. I believe that the hardest thing to let go of is something you never truly had. That which was dangled just out of reach, teasing you, making you feel like you could love having that which you never felt you deserved. Love.

When do you stop, is it when you’ve tried everything you know you possibly can without giving your soul, or do you give that too? When have you done everything you can? How do you know when it is time to give up? Pack up and rebox yourself?

Pain is a funny thing. If you keep on smiling no one can see the scars on your soul, and if you keep on pretending, that which you feel will surely go away, will it not? How long do you have to pretend to be okay before you actually are? What is the point of all of this if we are meant to repress that which we feel, cause society wants you to smile through the tears on your soul and the cracks in your being.

If you cry and no one is there to comfort you, does it really matter? More importantly, do you really matter?