2013

So before 2012 ends I just want to write one last blogpost. I've been at home with my family for the past week, which has been extremely draining but fun. I don't know how I'll ever be ready for kids of my own, cause even though I do love them, they are so exhausting. I have once again a new found wonder for my mother who raised four kids. Sho. *Sorry I regressed, as this post is actually about the new year and not at all about kids. oops

Anyways so the end of the year is here and social networks are buzzing with people taking stock of the previous year, people looking forward to the new year and even some making those all to lovely New Years Resolutions (NYR) which are never kept. How are we so delusional that we think this year is going to be completely different? Why do we think that because the year has ended, that our thoughts and acts will be renewed instantly as the clock strikes 12?

The thing that most people don't realize is that if they do not change, nothing will. A wise man once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. Making NYR's are probably as effective as wishing upon a shooting star. Yet we all still do that. We probably make these so called promises to ourselves to make us feel better and to feel like we are in control, which is also a strange phenomenon, but not one to be discussed tonight.

Another thing that I've been wondering about is whether we should seize the moment or follow our dreams. I personally think that following your dreams will eventually yield better results, but sometimes those dreams can cause you to miss some amazing opportunities that just pops up, and vice versa, sometimes we get so lost in the moment that we lose focus on our dreams.

I believe that we each have an internal compass that directs our lives. Sometimes we are so off course that we lose ourselves, and who we are. My wish for 2013 is to just keep as close to my internal compass as I possibly can. Whether that means following my dreams or living in the moment, or even it is the same thing.

And I leave you with a thought for the New Year:

“Heroes didn't leap tall buildings or stop bullets with an outstretched hand; they didn't wear boots and capes. They bled, and they bruised, and their superpowers were as simple as listening, or loving. Heroes were ordinary people who knew that even if their own lives were impossibly knotted, they could untangle someone else's. And maybe that one act could lead someone to rescue you right back.”
- Jodi Picoult, Second Glance

Hope you have a great 2013. Be a hero!

my day today

So today at work has been most unproductive... I worked yesterday and the rest of the year, but today for some odd reason I've done nothing of note - at least where my company is concerned...

My day so far... I spent a great deal of my day planning the zombie apocalypse happening tomorrow (I'm planning on surviving #justsaying), I have even convinced a guy I know to carry a crossbow and a baseball bat around to ward off zombies. We will be in the country with the other survivors (I might have watched one too many zombie movies, eish).

Well other than that I found out that Miss SA did not win the Miss Universe pageant, shame. And that we have only won the Miss Universe pageant once, but we have won Miss World twice and that there is something called Miss Earth (which is the only pageant I'll consider entering - after my short lived modelling career in which I took a top 10 spot for amazing hair and the one judge commented on my face as being interesting, not sure how that should go down). But I can't as I am too short. *sigh* I also learnt that Miss Earth is not necessarily environmentally friendly, just pretty (still too short). Also a boy who went to school with me won Mr SA last year.

This is what happens when I have no work at all and twitter is flooded with people commenting on the Miss Universe pageant.

For lunch I had a dessert pizza (nutella, flake and jellytots), why you may ask... because I can! It was way too much sweets though and I only ended up eating about 3 slices. 3 very yummy slices. I felt very grown up when the 12 year old at the next table ordered a salad...

After lunch I also read up on the Mayan Calendar  which is actually no threat at all. These people just kept time a bit differently than we do today. And apparently it is quite clear for some scholars that the Mayan system envisages a new cycle of the calendar beginning on the 22 Dec 2012. Out with the old in with the new:)

O well, so my day has been unbelievably unproductive on the long run, but no serious damage done... (Oh, and I bought a sudoku book to keep me entertained in case of emergency boredom...)

Masks

Every morning when I look in the mirror, I ask the girl staring back at me:
Can you see that I've fallen from grace,
and that this is not my natural face?
She answers that I might be showing at the seams and that another fake smile or maybe money given to a beggar would make me feel a bit better.

Why do we do it? We package ourselves so differently from what we actually are. Any overwhelming emotion tends to be oppressed. We should love - but not to fiercely, hate - but not completely and live - but please not too loud dear.

When all is said and done what do we have left but our stories, yet we always tell our stories with a bit more love than was actually expressed and a bit more hate than was actually conveyed. We need to learn that it might be okay to not be okay and we should just be true to who we are. Say what you need to say even if you fear rejection or failure.

“A human being is nothing but a story wrapped in skin.”
- Fred Allen

We need to live a little, love a lot and laugh even more.

My favorite song...

Oke, maybe not my all time favorite song, but it definitely ranks in the Top 3 (and it has been on repeat for the whole day so far)... The Rose by Bette Midler.

This song is amazing, to describe it in so few words. We all fear to much and take to little chances, but the irony is that even if you don't take any chances what so ever, you will still die. We are afraid to live a little, for fear that if we do we will fail. But failure is a part of life, growing up and learning those lessons again and again. If you have a dream, make it happen.

*Oh, and I was nice enough to provide you with the lyrics to this timeless classic:

The Rose

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
An endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
And you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give,
And the soul afraid of dyin'
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose.

Love

Love is a many splendor thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love...

But is it really? Can we live on love alone? And how much love would a person need to satisfy his appetite? Can you love a person too much?

I think that the thing you love the most is the thing you think about most evenings before you go to bed and it's the first thing on your mind the next morning when you wake up... but what happens when that love isn't a mutual feeling?

Can we so ferociously now just love something or someone else tomorrow? Do some of us just love in a more intense way than others?

I believe in loving all people for who they are. I also believe that we should not fall in love too quickly, or at all. But we should rather be lifted up in love... Because to fall is to stumble and I don't think it bears well for the relationship if that's the start of it all...

2013 will be my charity year. 2012 was the year I learnt to be patient in all things, it was a year of changes and long periods sitting and reflecting, and determining who I want to be from here on out. 2011 was my travel year - I had a blast!

May you be lifted up in love!

End of the world?

It might almost be the end of the world as we know it... or it might not. As you would know if you have been reading my posts regularly (or as regular as I seem to remember to post them), you might have realized that I am a spiritual girl. I believe in the creation of all things by God and in the good of all that He does.

I however also believe that we have a purpose to live out and if I have fulfilled my purpose by the end of this year, mine was but a small one. See I do not believe in mediocrity any more - all we do, should be done to the best of our abilities and should be beyond what anyone expected of us. Always rise above and beyond the expectations of your worst critic.

It is a new month, the last of the year 2012. Maybe the "end of the world", as I so fondly call it, is not literally the end of the world, but rather the death of the old and the end of mediocrity. It is (and definitely has been) a period of change. A change of opinions, people, circumstances and relations.

As for me I'm excited to see what each new day, month and year might bring. New people, opportunities and a changing of times. I will continue to strive to be a set apart young woman, who loves fiercely (sometimes not reciprocated as much as I might wish), believes in the good of people and in the possibility of anything and everything.

Fire and Ice

"Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice."

Robert Frost